There it is, one of the most
dangerous punctuation marks in the English language – a question mark. With it’s non-conformist curving of its head
as if it’s staring at you, head cocked to one side in puzzlement, it marinates on what is and then with a definite leap into the
unknown, it jumps to the future point – what could be.
To question something or
someone can be dangerous, especially when it comes to the church, the Bible,
our roles as men, women, and children.
But that is where I am and have been for some time when it comes to the
role of women in the church and in the world, head cocked to one side,
pondering the what is while the very core of my soul aches for the what could
be.
Since high school, God has had
me on a path, which has caused many folks to cock their head to the side when
they look at me, learn about me, and try to decipher me – it is that of a single
female leader devoted to God.
In the world, my never-married-but-hope-to-one-day
state of singleness as a 30-something has baffled many along with my Biblical
views on relationships. These views clash
with such a sex-driven, you-have-to-have-somebody-in-your-life-or-you’re-nobody
worldly mentality.
In the church, my calling to be
a leader as a woman has given rise to comments belittling the position, saying
a man must have been disobedient to his calling so God called in the second
string - He called in a woman.
As a single woman in women’s
ministry, I, along with many other women in various stages of life have been
silently shunned because we don’t fit the age, marital status, kid quota, or
demographic currently prevailing. I know I’m not alone. I know there are more stories out there,
different stories from women who for some time have had their hearts groaning
for something more.
And what if there is more to
our stories as women? What if our
God-given purposes went beyond these artificial barriers and into the unknown,
choppy waters, calling us to gaze into the eyes of our Jesus, step out of the
boat, think differently, and courageously follow Him? What
would that look like for us individually?
Would that open our eyes to see past lies and value what we already have just a bit more? What would that look like for us collectively as women of God across
demographic and denominational lines? What would that look like for the
church? The world? Can we do this? Do we want to do this? It is exciting and scary to envision at the
same time.
I am filled with more questions
and no answers but I am pondering and have discovered I am not alone. There is a group of women who have come
together and started the If Gathering, a place to come together as women across
denominational lines and allow God to break down barriers to unleash our
God-given purposes. It has given me food
for thought and encouragement.
What I do know is this: through
my seeking, my questioning, I have always found my Jesus - my brave, audacious,
holy, unconditionally loving Jesus, always walking with me, guiding me,
carrying me at times on my journey to the ever-fixed future point found in Him
alone.
Questioning is powerful. Coupled with prayer - collective, seeking, gut-groaning,
heart-spilling, prayer can cause ideas to grow, visions to materialize, and
opportunities to present themselves – opportunities to leap to that never-before-seen
future point - to embrace the what could be in our lives.
