The Cost of Craving Orange Chicken

I could taste it as my thoughts focused on the one thing my uneasy stomach craved - Orange Chicken from Panda Express. When I am not feeling well, my favorite foods creep into my mind, offering to console what ailments linger in my body.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel well enough to pick it up myself but hoped my stomach's one desire would somehow be telepathically intercepted by my housemate, Margaret, who was kindly picking up dinner. No such luck. While dinner was great, it couldn't suffice this craving that restlessly paced within me.

With a good night's sleep behind me and Sunday before me, I felt well enough to go to church. The message that day was a similar one God has been trying to get through my scattered head - to fully pursue what God has for me and stop trying to do it on my own. In essence, to trust Him.

I had been frustrated at God. Certain dreams had still not materialized after all this waiting causing me to worry and wonder if they ever would. Not wanting them to disappear, I assumed command of my heart and desperately clung to these desires like grasping billows of fog. God was leading me down another path. He had other plans for my life, good yet daunting plans that unfortunately did not involve these dreams at this time. I don't know if they ever will. I was torn. Like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, I was faced with a decision: Do I cling to my precious dreams or do I embrace God's plans for me?

Finding myself tired and hopelessly incapable of making my will come to fruition, I took God up on His merciful offer, humbly gave Him back His crown, and surrendered the throne of my heart to His capable hands. However, I didn't know I would be tested so soon.

Walking out of church with an extra spring in my step, I decided I'd celebrate this decision by getting some Orange Chicken. Panda Express was on my way home so I parked, ordered, and finally had in my hands what I had been craving.

I pulled out of the driveway with images of a relaxing lunch and yummy leftovers when I spotted a homeless gentleman sitting on a rock by the stop sign I was approaching. I knew in an instant God wanted me to give him my lunch. I didn't want to. I ignored His prodding and drove onto the freeway. I began to rationalize my decision. Did I hear You correctly? I had been craving Orange Chicken since yesterday. I'm going to have leftovers. You don't really mean for me to give up my lunch, right? "Kristi," He gently said, "You're not even that hungry." I admit, He was right but it was the principle of the matter. The container of Orange Chicken stared at me like the money with eyes from the Geico commercials. God reiterated, "That lunch is not for you."

These internal conversations and God's prodding continued as I approached the off-ramp to my house to which I promptly turned around and got back on the freeway. As I got closer to Panda Express, my mind began to rationalize these actions, this time from a different vantage point. Perhaps this is a test and the man isn't there anymore. God has blessed me with money enough to buy lunch. I can always buy more Orange Chicken. With these thoughts accompanying me, I approached Panda Express again, but before I could pull in, God gently impressed on me, "I don't want you to buy this now." Resigned, I drove on only to see the homeless man.

With no cars behind me, I pulled up beside him, rolled down my window, and asked,
"Sir, are you hungry?"
With a timid enthusiasm, he replied, "Yes, ma'am!"

I leaned over the passenger seat, grabbed the bag with the Orange Chicken and said, "God wants me to give this to you." I had to be honest. Without God's prodding, I would have been home by now.

He thankfully accepted the bag repeating "God bless you" several times. I looked at this man and smiled, glimpsing God's compassion. God was looking out for him.

Driving away, I began to weep, ashamed of my attitude but filled with God's comforting blessing as I was allowed to be God's hands to this gentleman.

At home, I thought perhaps Margaret would have picked up Panda Express for lunch since we had been talking about it the night before, but alas, none was there to greet me. With that, I gave up the craving.

While Margaret and I chatted about our morning adventures, a smile crept across her face as the Orange Chicken ordeal was told. Unbeknownst to me, she had already decided that morning to pick up Panda Express not for lunch, but for dinner. I could see God holding his belly, his whole body laughing while his smile beamed with pleasure. He surprised me, the little bugger.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

While this was a petty desire in the grand scheme of things, God gave it to me, not my way, but His, jam-packed with blessings. The cost of craving Orange Chicken was minimal, but nothing compared to what I received today - reassurance that God's plans are good and He is trustworthy, even in the little things.

While I don't know where this path will lead, I know He has a way of making the two paths meet, joining my desires and his plans into one, dynamic reality as I allow Him to conform my desires to His.