The Cancer Chronicles IX: The Scientific Makings of a 'Dumb Blonde'

I’ve heard all the jokes. Yes, the one about putting a scratch N sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool to get a blonde to swim, even the one explaining the scientific ramifications of putting a blonde between two brunettes, causing a massive wind tunnel. I’ve heard how blondes get easily lost, misread signs, are slow to understand and are hardly understood due to their over usage of the word ‘like’. They laugh at the stupidest things, and have been accused of having more fun than people with other hair color hues.

As a lifelong, card holding member of the blondes, I have endured these stereotypes and jokes, many of them eagerly repeated to me, of all people, by my friends and family. They think since I’m a blonde, I’ll somehow think jokes that make fun of my hair color and in direct correlation, my intelligence are funny. Like, oh my gosh! Like how ‘blonde’ do they like think I am?!

After talking with my thyroid doctor this week, I’ve come to realize those moments I’ve been accused of being an airhead, those moments that have been categorized recently as ‘blonde moments’ in my life, can be scientifically explained.

Based on my recent lab work, my doctor said I am still considered to be hypothyroid – in other words, my body is still functioning at a slower rate. As my doctor stared me in the face, he grinned and said, “Yes, I can tell.” Curiously perplexed I replied, “What do you mean ‘you can tell’?” My mind raced in slow motion as I tried to guess what he meant. Was my face still puffy? Had my eyes bugged out and I not notice? What?! He said my speech pattern is slower than before and the inflections in my voice have changed, small observations only people trained in thyroid disorders would pick up on. He also showed me other affects of hypothyroidism on my body, showing me how my reflexes are slower and justified the reason for my muscle soreness. My energy level is much better but not 100% yet.

As my doctor bent over to wash his hands, he asked me if I’ve been finding things unusually funny lately. Being that my mind is slower than normal, I couldn’t remember, but I laughed at the question. He says an unusual sense of humor can be a symptom, referred to in the thyroid profession as ‘hypothyroid wit’. Great. I’m now a slow talker, who is slow to comprehend things and once comprehends them, finds them abnormally funny, but can’t remember them. All I kept saying was, “Are you serious?” I realized later that night my doctor could have totally been pulling my leg and I wouldn’t have known. That would be the ultimate injustice – taking advantage of a ‘blonde’ in her time of need. As life would have it for now, my blonde moments are justified!

I’ve found it ironic though that the moments I’ve had to be at my sharpest, be my best medical advocate have been during this experience through hypothyroidism when I’m not functioning at my best. I’ve really had to focus hard and rely on those friends and family around me for guidance, to be the hands that grasp a hold of me, leading me down the correct path instead of the wall I was headed for.

My doctor has increased my medication dosage in hopes of getting me out of this hypothyroid state. This has been interesting as this new dosage is not manufactured as one pill, but two, which I found means two co-pays. Since this medication is not on my prescription administrator’s preferred list, the co pays are at a higher rate. Co pays do add up, especially if they are multiplied by two and taken for a lifetime. I am aware my medication may be adjusted again when I see my thyroid doctor in a couple of months, but I want to find out all my options now so I can make wise, informed decisions.

I have found these past few days my personal and professional lives have crossed. At work, I am the Benefits Specialist, where a portion of my job responsibilities lie in being an advocate for employees and their families with issues regarding their benefits. I have had to be my own medical advocate as I find the best course of action that will be cost effective and address my medical needs.

With this new dosage of medication, my doctor says I should be feeling better in about a month. In a year, I will have another iodine and full body scan to make sure all is well. As for now, I’m still learning to be patient with my body and have thrown out any expectations I have for it until my thyroid levels are deemed regular again. So the next time someone tells you a blonde joke or you happen to see someone exhibit a ‘blonde moment’, be kind. Like oh my gosh! There like just might be like a reason for it, like okay! Ugh…like gag me.